Parents often have to fight for their kids, but sometimes they’re fighting for the wrong people.
We sat down with the psychologist, writer and educator Jennifer Tully to discuss the psychology of parenting and the differences between parenting styles.
The New Normal – What is it about parents that’s so unique?
Jennifer Tully is a parenting coach and author of The New Norm, which examines the psychology and behavior of parents, as well as how they relate to their kids.
She has trained thousands of parents and helped them navigate parenting challenges.
I asked her about what it is about parenting that makes it so different from other areas of human experience, such as the workplace, and why parenting is so difficult to change.
“There are a lot of people who say, ‘My child is always right,’ or ‘I’m always in control.’
But the reality is, I’m not always in charge.
I’m always a role model, a guide, a support person,” she says.”
When my kids grow up, they’ll go into a different world.
The world will be different than what they knew when they were kids, and they’ll be more independent, they’re more curious, they’ve got a lot more options.
But there are also some things I’m doing that I think are good for them, like being a good parent.
I think they need to learn how to parent better, and that’s why I’m trying to get more people into the field of child psychology.
What does that look like?”
The New Norm” is about how to be a good dad and a good mom.
What does that look like?
Jennifer says that her clients find that they need a lot to make them feel good about themselves.
“I feel like it’s a combination of what you’re supposed to feel in your work life and what you feel when you’re in a relationship with your partner.
There’s so much going on in your life that you’re not able to be in control of.
You’re doing all these different things. “
In my life, I think of being a great mom as being like a balancing act.
You’re doing all these different things.
You might have a job, you might have kids, you may be on a vacation, you could have a new relationship.
There are all these little things that I have to do every day. “
I think there’s a lot that goes into that.
There are all these little things that I have to do every day.
When I’m at work, I might be at home and I might go out and pick up a book or I might have dinner with a friend.
But I can’t just have that all at once and have it all go the way I want it to.
I need to make sure that when I’m working and at home I’m having a good balance of everything.
So I have a lot on my plate and I’m just trying to be mindful of that, be able for my kids to have that kind of time and space to explore.”
So there’s always this feeling that your child is the boss, and you’re the boss.
But your child has the power to be the boss and you don’t.
It feels like you’re a boss.
I have this whole set of standards that I want to uphold, and it’s very hard for me to do that.
“It’s so hard to get that balance right, but if I can do it, I want my kids.
Do you say, no, we’ve had this life for so long and we’ve been through so much together, but we’re just not there yet? “
What do you say to someone who’s been through a divorce, who’s had a child with multiple parents, who thinks that they should be doing more?
Do you say, no, we’ve had this life for so long and we’ve been through so much together, but we’re just not there yet?
Or do you try to encourage them to think about how they’re going, how they want to feel about themselves, what they want out of life?”
I think you have to be very honest and open with yourself.
If you’re having those conversations with your kids, I believe that your kids are going to be so much more comfortable in those conversations.
They’re going be more likely to trust you.
They are going have the space to talk.
And that’s going to make their lives much easier.
“Jennifer Tullys book The New New Norm is available now.