How can someone do something so wrong then turn it all around and be mad at me? How is my being open and honest about my opinions on certain things be cast as judgment? I’ve lived a sheltered life things that which I do not know scare me and make me hold back. I’m terrified because I know how the turmoil my life already effects me I can’t take anymore and risk it spiraling out of control. I want to control my life not have my life control me.

I wasn’t aware by telling someone things that bothers you that it was automatically deemed as being controlling or telling them who they could talk to etc,. All that I know how to do is to be me and try to voice what is bothering me to prevent future problems. Only it creates the problems early on but either way it’s inevitable isn’t it? You know what bothers you and some where a long the way it’s going to come out so it’s better for it to be early on in the relationship right?

How can someone with so much love in their heart create so much pain for another person? Is it because with love comes pain? With joy comes sadness? They all tend to go hand in hand. We can’t be happy all the time if we were then being happy wouldn’t feel as good as it does after being so unhappy for so long.

I just don’t understand how someone hurts you and instead of accepting blame for that hurt or apologizing they flip it around. They end up mad at you for just being honest and expressing yourself the best way you know how, even after you told them “no matter how I say this it isn’t going to come out right”. Words left unspoken complicate things, words said the wrong way or taken the wrong way complicate things either way I lose.

Why can’t love just be about how you feel when you see that person, when you feel them next to you and how you feel when they’re around? Would it be easier if we were all mute? Hell I think so. Words can only say so much where as actions speak volumes.

I have never claimed to be perfect because I’m not and when I’m wrong I say I’m wrong and when an apology is needed I give it. I don’t push blame on someone else and turn it around so that I’m the good guy. Accept what you have done as fucked up apologize for it and hope for the best that’s all we can do.

Don’t ever go into a relationship thinking your not going to be hurt it happens. Never promise not to hurt someone because one time or another you will hurt them. Promise you will try not to hurt them that’s all you can do. Hurt and pain come with “love”.